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Peace-
Mel

Discipline?

Oh Lordy. Jeff and I have created a monster. He’s a 13 month old terrible two year old with the attitude of a 16 year old. Make sense? And yet he can be the sweetest, most giggly, charming boy. I can’t say that this is a surprise. Jeff and I aren’t exactly the most laid back, easy-peasy kind of folks. We both have zero patience, no tolerance for idiots and, well, like to get our way and the last word. Not the most attractive qualities to pass on to your off-spring. I’ve been reading lots of articles about discipline but I always come back to the question – “How will any of these methods work on a kid who has his own agenda”. Now I’m not talking about completely unmanageable, destined for military school types of issues. Just your run of the mill, mind of his own kind of stuff. I guess I’m surprised that’s its surfaced so early. I probably shouldn’t say that out loud because I’m sure that those of you with kids who have passed this stage are shaking your head and thinking I’m so naive.

Jeff and I are definitely on the same page about the no spanking rule. I just can’t bring myself to think that its okay to hit my child. I know that LOTS of parents who disagree and yes, my parents were spankers but my brother and I were very rarely on the receiving end of this. It was so rare that I can’t actually remember one time that they spanked me. Maybe they weren’t spankers….anyway, I digress. I have this idea that if we “lay our hands” on him, he will think that is okay to do when he is mad. Mr. Mighty Chompers is bad enough; we shouldn’t create any sort of environment that would cause him throw punches at the sitter’s house.

So how am I going to teach my child(ren) right from wrong? I don’t know yet. I’m quite certain that there will be a lot of talking involved. I do have my masters in psychology and people like me want to talk about feelings, motivation, blah, blah, blah…Jeff is in sales (and darn good at it, if I do say so myself) so maybe we can just talk our kids into submission.

Summa' time

This summer has been great. Last summer was kind of a blur for me. I was so exhausted and would practically hiss like a vampire when the sun hit my skin since I spent all of my waking hours inside with wee baby Cal. We made up for lost time this year and have been going non stop. Let's break this summer down, shall we:

June
The first weekend, Mom & Dad came in town and the 4 of us went to Grants Farm for the first time. Jeff stayed back and dug our new patio extension. We went over to the Dehners for dinner that night and drank way too much wine. Built in babysitters cannot go to waste!

Weekend 2: Cal and I were supposed to walk in the Koman 5K with 70 thousand other St Louisians but Cal came home early from the sitter the day before with a fever and a cough. We did our own 5K around the neighborhood. That night Jeff and I had the most spectacular dining experience for my birthday - Stone Soup Cottage. Breathing treatments and prednisone occupied the next few days.

Weekend 3: Birthday Extravaganza!! The backyard party went off with only a few hitches (thank you air conditioning repair man for making an off duty call at 5pm on a Saturday). Mom, Dad, my bro, his GF and her son all had a sleepover at our house. Early Sunday morning, Father's Day and Cal's b-day, we hit the zoo.

Weekend 4: Jeff had the "Brick Olympics" (don't ask) all day long so Cal and I go some major QT in. We were supposed to see Passion Pit earlier in the week but Jeff contracted the whooping cough from Cal. Okay, it wasn't really the whooping cough. It was a just a bad cold. I got to have a girls night on Monday and saw Wicked at the Fox. It was wicked awesome.

July
Weekend 1: ROAD TRIP! I had a 4 day weekend at work for the holiday so we busted out of town and headed to Springfield on July 1st. We had yet another birthday party for Cal, went to the Brightstravaganza, spent the actual 4th out at the Miller homestead and had a little people swim party before departing on Monday.

Weekend 2: Friday night started with the MoBot Members Family Picnic. Joining the Gardens as members has been the best money ever spent. The Lees came along and we brought fried chicken. Cal had his first popsicle which resulted in a sticky, cherry mess. On Saturday, Jeff's parents had their annual employee pool party. This year was a bit more relaxed, less people, more family. Sunday we celebrated July birthdays at Deweys. Yea for beer and pizza!

Weekend 3: No rest for the weary...my parents came back up to watch Cal and we went to the lake with some of Jeff's college buddies. I spent so many weekends at the lake in high school and college. This really made me miss it. Jeff and I started devising a plan to buy a "fixer upper" at the lake in several years and turn it into our retreat. We'll see how this pans out....

So that brings us to this weekend. As much as I would love to hide out in our house away from the 95 degree heat, we can't because we have to go look for a new car. The 'ol VW Touareg has done us wrong for the last time. Never, I repeat never, buy anything but a Jetta or a Beetle from VW. You will be gravely disappointed if you do not take this advice. Passat owners - you are allowed a little leeway, but only a little.

Onto to more important things. As much as I know that the 3 of you who read this blog have been wondering what we've been doing the past 7 weekends, I will try to focus on the most interesting man of the house. Cal has had some major developmental breakthroughs over the last few weeks. Let's list them (since this seems to be the only way I can collect my thoughts):

Walking!! -  Cal is the fastest Frankenbaby this side of the Mississippi. Apparently he took his first real steps at the sitters right around his birthday but neither Jeff nor I saw him until July 1 so we have declared this the first day he walked.

Eating - God has blessed Cal with Jeff's metabolism. He will eat until we literally have to take the food away and then grumbles at us when we do. And he will eat anything except for cottage cheese and non-fat refried beans. The kid has a pretty sophisticated palate. Some of his more unusual favorites include hummus, guacamole, garbanzo beans, Thai noodle salad and tofu. He's totally into feeding himself and 'sort of' has the hang of a spoon. Sort of.

Attitude - Homeboy can melt down with the best of them. He gets frustrated easily (I tell myself it is because of his off the charts IQ) and when something is really under his skin, he will attempt to bite the nearest victim. This resulted in his very first time-out at the sitter's yesterday. Jeff and I have been tossing back and forth what kind of disciplinary tactics we want to employ. It appears that we may have to use them frequently.

Talking- Cal has always been a very expressive kid but lately we can tell that he really wants to spit out some serious words. We have the standard mama and dada. I can interpret bottle, milk, book, and Annie (or Nini, as he calls her). He also knows a few signs such as more, done, and milk. The rest is just very sophisticated gibberish. He will rattle off some sort of crazy monologue and then look at me or Jeff like "why aren't you idiots responding to me"? I'm sure its frustrating for him which is why we starting incorporating several signs.

Our best attempt at a Fathers Day/1st Birthday picture

About a boy

What can say about this year…I’ve been thinking about it so much, everything we’ve gone through, everything we’ve learned about ourselves as individuals, as a couple, as parents, as friends, on and on and on…I guess I should probably tell the story about the reason for this transformation. So here’s a story about a boy…

I got pregnant very easily and for the most part, had an easy pregnancy. I remember the day that we found out we were having a boy – it was January 5th, 2009. The ultrasound tech was hesitant to say for sure but it was pretty undeniable. And speaking of denial, I swore that I was having a girl. For a week or more, I kept expecting that extra little body part to disappear but we all know the end of the story and the “maleness” stayed put! The first time I felt Cal kick, I was 22 weeks. It was Valentines Day, a cold Saturday. I was sitting on the living room sofa, Indian style with my laptop on my legs and then I felt it, a little tap on my left side. I had all kinds of strange muscle twitches from the beginning but I knew this one was different. It was a tap, tap “hello, I’m here!” kind of movement. That’s when the conversations with Cal (although I didn’t know we would name him Calvin then) began. We started talking on a daily basis, well, I talked, he listened and kicked me, most likely to get me to shut up. As I got closer to the finish line, I felt pretty good. I still walked a couple of miles everyday and did yoga twice a week.

39 weeks

By June 15th, I could tell things were changing. The doctor had already scheduled an induction for Monday, June 22nd but I was determined to go into labor naturally. My motivation stemmed from the fact that all along, my doctor was concerned about my physical ability to deliver “the old fashioned way”. My bone structure is narrow and she was concerned that the baby would get stuck. However, she was very supportive of my desire to try to avoid a c-section but warned me that the likelihood was great. So this was it – possibly my one shot to let nature take its course and do its thing to get the wiggle monster out of me. I had an appointment on Wednesday, June 17th and not much had changed. I was at a 2 and his head was super low. I felt pretty lousy though, kind of like I had the flu, so I was officially declared on maternity leave! The next day, Cal’s official due date, was spent running errands. I loved to see the reaction on strangers’ faces when they would ask when I was due and I would respond “today”. They would immediately look down as if Cal was going to fall out on the floor. That night, I was feeling pretty run down. Jeff forced me out the door at 9pm to walk around the block. I honestly didn’t think I could do it but I felt a little better afterwards. I crashed into bed that night and at 5am on June 19th, the action started.

Jeff left early that Friday morning for several sales calls. I had a little notebook in my nightstand and I started writing the contraction times down. For some strange reason, I still couldn’t believe what was going on so I didn’t tell Jeff. Instead, I called one of my oldest, dearest friends, Brianne, in Florida. She’s had 2 kids and is a physician’s assistant, so I figured she would know what was up. Here’s what she said – “Melanie, you are in labor, you should probably go to the hospital”. Here’s what I thought – “Hmmmmmm….maybe I’ll wait a little while longer to call my parents and Jeff.” Really smart, Mel. I finally broke down and called Jeff. By the time he got home, my contractions were around 5 minutes apart and we hit the road, with my little contraction notebook in hand. This was 3:30 and the weekend traffic was already starting to get heavy. At that point, I thought I had waited too long and that I would end up like one of those women on TLC who has her baby on the side of the highway. We made it to St John’s, the baby factory of the Midwest, and I insisted on waddling in as opposed to letting Jeff push me in a wheelchair. I was able to get in a room quickly; I think the look of sheer panic on my face did the trick. I could not BELIEVE how much pain I was in at that point. Once I got my gown on, I hopped up on the bed on all fours and wouldn’t move. I looked ridiculous and obscene in my backless gown but that was the only thing that provided any relief. All modesty was out the door. The nurse checked me and I was at a 5 and the cause of my intense pain was the fact that Cal was “sunny side up” so the back labor was intense, to say the least. We moved into a delivery room and I headed straight for the bathroom. I wanted to sit down, not lie in a bed or walk around. Unfortunately, once I sat down, I literally could not get up. That was until the anesthesiologist arrived. I would have stood on my head at that point to get an epidural. Here’s where I quickly learned the difference between those who can and those who can’t do natural labor. I’m in the “can’t” category. In order to be a “can”, you have to have the ability to power through that weak point, to get in the correct headspace. Once I hit a 5, my strength dissolved. I need medication to make that pain go away and I needed it right now. Whewwwwwwwww…. I can still feel the relief of those drugs as I type this.

After that, I was a-okay. I talked, I laughed, I joked, they broke my water, I laughed some more. I couldn’t feel a thing!! Dr. B showed up and took a look at me around 7:30pm and said I was ready to push. I was at a 10! Let’s do this! Game on! So I pushed and I pushed….and I pushed….and I pushed….he was stuck. I pushed until 10:30 pm and he was in the same spot. I have to hand it to Dr. B; she was a great sport. Most doctors would have thrown in the towel long before that but she knew how hard I wanted to try. Alas, it was not meant to be. I started prepping for a c-section. The anesthesiologist came back and gave me the really heavy duty stuff. I remember everything being kind of foggy and then feeling sick but I couldn’t articulate how I felt. The shaking set in and it seems like I shook for hours! We were wheeled off into the OR and I was told by Dr. B and that I would feel a little pressure (didn’t feel a thing, by the way). I sort of recall falling asleep and then opening my eyes to a screaming, purple baby. I so wanted to soak that moment in but I could not keep my eyes open for anything! There he was, all 6lbs, 8oz, 19inches of Cal kicking and flailing around, born at 12:34am on Saturday, June 20th, one week exactly after my 30th birthday.

The next few hours were a complete blur – the recovery, the nursing, the crazy hormones that made me sweat all night long. I kept thinking, “Is this all real or not”? This kid is REALLY mine and I have to take care of him and shape him into a respectable human being? Thankfully, the drugs wore off, lala land disappeared and reality set it. The next afternoon, Cal had a little dip in his breathing so he was whisked off to the NICU to be monitored. Everything turned out just fine and we were home on Wednesday, June 24th.

First week home = tired mommy and daddy

I would be lying if I said those first few weeks were easy. They were scary! I wanted to nurse but it wasn’t working. I wanted to sleep but Cal wasn’t really keen on that idea either. Here’s what I figured out in those first weeks – it wasn’t about me anymore and, frankly, it hasn’t been since. We decided to give up on the nursing after about 3 weeks and a weight lifted. Cal was a great eater and better yet, Jeff could help me. I remember when the feeling of nervousness suddenly lightened and I didn’t mind getting up at 3 in the morning because that was my peaceful time with Cal. He smiled at me for the first time during one of those middle of the night feedings and I’ve been a fool for him ever since. I’m curious about people who say that its bliss from the word “go” when it comes to first time parenthood. I wanted to be that person and the harder I tried to fit into the mold of some other mother, the more resentful I became of my new role. Yes, there might have been some post-partum issues mixed in there, but the best medicine for our family was figuring out what worked for us and not trying to follow the books. By 5 weeks, we went on our first road trip and I finally felt like our new normal had settled on our family.

I can’t imagine life without this boy. Calvin is our compass. He hugs my neck so tight and gives me a big puppy-dog kiss and I am in awe that God chose me to take care of him. Happy first birthday, little boy.

Spring sprung and now its almost gone

The little man has grown by leaps and bounds over the last few months. Let me tell you, this kid has a 'TUDE! I have no idea where he would get that.....

Here's some pictures of semi-sweet Cal through the course of the spring.

Little cotton tail

With pals Sarah and Josie

Getting ready for the big Easter Egg Hunt

     Eating at Mimi & Papa's in my old high chair

Watching Papa mow

First big boo boo. Check out that goose egg!

Papa's Surprise 60th party

Gigi's 91st birthday party

Taking monkey for a spin

Just riding a sheep with my buddy G

Botanical Gardens

Grants Farm tram with Papa

Make your bed

I've been feeling a little out of order lately. Our house looks we are in preparation for a garage sale at all times. We aren't. We don't even have a garage, to speak of. Over the last 3 months we've traveled, dealt with colds and stomach bugs, had parties, went to parties and celebrated two big birthdays in Springfield when Dad turned 60 and Grandma turned 91. I've started P90X over 3 times. I'm on the 4th week and this is the longest stretch that I've done it by. the. book.

Here's when I knew that I'd gone a little off the rails - I was sick on Mother's Day, my very first Mother's Day, so Jeff and Cal went out to the in-laws for dinner. I was on antibiotics, snotty and coughing, all by myself. Yet, I was totally blissed out on the couch and as peaceful as I had felt in a while. I watched a movie with dialog that was so great, I kept rewinding certain parts and it ended up taking me almost 3 hours to watch a 2 hour movie. I NEVER GET TO DO THAT. I think that I needed this gift for my first Mother's Day to get my mind right. I made a mental list of ways that I know will start my days calmer and allow me to exhale slower when I finally crash into bed. The first on my list is to start making our bed every single morning. I could never figure out why our bedroom always reminded me of a college dorm until I started taking the time to make our bed. I'm already breathing a little easier.

I'm committed. Or commit me?

I started P90X literally an hour and a half ago. As in "I just finished Day 1 of 90 days". Since I'm putting this out there for the world to see, I think I just committed myself to actually following through with this thing. I'm not taking a before picture or measurements. I'll just let the jeans do the talking. Or the bikini. Jeff and I are taking a little 4 day mental health break to Cali on April 9 so I have exactly 2 months from tomorrow to make myself presentable. I guess at the pace I'm on, I'll only be two thirds presentable...

On the cute front, Momo is convinced that Cal has said "Hi" on two occasions over the past week. I'm not buying it although I wouldn't mind a child prodigy. Or at least a kid with really advanced verbal skills. He has also started shooting dirty looks to people that annoy him, specifically loud adults. I'm not naming any names, but if looks could kill there would have been a couple of dead guys at the Lee's Superbowl party last night. Cal was not down with the noise.

Back to the subject at hand - Day 1 is on the books. Ninety days from now, I better be describing some major muscle definition or I'm demanding a refund.